Is it reasonable for parents of young children to go on a seven-day vacation if they leave their child(ren) with a competent caretaker?
Lots has been written on the subject. Google has 5,520,000 entries! No, I did not read them all. However, I did look at several dozen and read those who had thoughtful opinions. A clear majority of these authors recommend “go,” and include tips on making such vacations successful.
1. Start informing young children about your vacation plans about a week before departure. In age-appropriate language tell them where you are going, what you will be doing, and that you will return soon. Some school age children need assurance that nothing will happen to you in your absence. Younger children need to be told that your leaving them is not abandonment, punishment for misbehavior, for example. Speak to children in an upbeat, happy voice. Consider leaving them a major toy, one that will occupy much of their time in your absence.
2. Frequent contact with your child may or may not be beneficial. Skype and smart phones enable you “to almost be there.” For many children, especially between about eighteen months and five years of age, such communication can give them a sense of security. However, some children are upset by such contact. These are children who cry briefly at nursery school when parents leave, are then totally content while parents are gone, and cry briefly when parents reappear, for example. The length of time that parents are away seems unimportant, probably because many young children have a poor sense of elapsed time.
3. Avoid leaving children between six and thirteen months of age. This is the period for separation anxiety, a normal developmental stage. Before six months, infants appear unaware of their surroundings and probably do not recognize their parents (though many parents disagree). After about 13 months, infants seem to grasp that parents cannot be present continuously and do return after being out of sight.
4. Some parents, more often mothers, sabotage their own vacations. They have great difficulty separating themselves from their young children and, in subtle ways, even encourage children to remain dependent on them. Symptoms may include children never being left alone, even when capable caretakers are available, and breast feed and co-sleep well into the second year. Such children are prone to experience their own separation anxiety, such as school phobia, later on. A bit of separation, cutting the umbilical cord, so to speak, may be beneficial for both parent and child.
5. All children may benefit by the occasional absence of their parents. Such experiences help build a sense of independence and maturity and how to deal with different adults. Moreover, rested and relaxed parents make better parents.
6. School-age children successfully vacation without their parents. There are no known ill effects on the millions of children who go to sleepaway camps, some for eight weeks. Generally, parents and children find such camps positive experiences, occasional homesickness notwithstanding. And most camps severely restrict contact between parents and children, allowing limited or no telephone calls, prohibiting texting, and permitting one visiting day for those staying many weeks and none for those staying a week or two. (Some camps with one visiting day are adding a second one to accommodate divorced parents.)
7. Children generally prefer routine to change. Ideally, leave children in their own home. Encourage friends, both yours and your children’s, to visit. But caretakers need not be your clone. Don’t leave rules “written in stone.” Letting kids stay up a little later and taking them for ice cream more frequently helps bonding between caretaker and child.
8. Have caregivers shadow you for a day or two before you leave. This allows them to observe real life situations, temper tantrums, for example (which tend to occur less frequently when parents are away.) It also familiarizes caretakers with the nuts and bolts of the household: how car seats work, which neighbors you count on, and where food, medications, and emergency lists are kept. Tell older children, in the presence of the care taker, what their chores will be.
9. Fears that you will have a serious accident while away are unrealistic. Likely, vacations in places where you would take the children are no more risky than you driving for a night out for dinner or a movie.
10. Consider one parent one child vacation. It greatly simplifies leaving children at home. It is ideal for spending quality time with one child, especially for a parent who works long hours or often works away from home. One parent, one child vacations can be geared to the interest of that child and avoids sibling bickering. To prevent jealousy in the child left at home, schedule such vacations when children reach a certain age, concepts children understand.
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